Did you see that catch?

November 12, 2001

ESPN football commentators were speechless, the crowd that filled Mitchell field beyond capacity was beyond control. The delirious fans went rampant, the opposition was crumbled, humbled, and troubled, and the mighty section five flag football team triumphed with an astonishing 24-0 shut-out during Monday night football over the Jackson State Prison 200lb and heavier championship battle-to-the-finish-football champions. The Jackson football club had won their regional prison championship for the last 6 years and was expected to continue winning as a team for at least 10 years to life.

Struggling through sub-zero arctic conditions and a hailstorm that would make a slushy machine envious, our grid-iron gladiators dominated the arena from start to finish.

Rifling through the defensive scheme, Adam hauled down 5 passes in a row from Joe on several stunt plays, options, and screens. All in all, Adam caught 12 passes from Joe in the first drive alone.

"Those guys were the biggest, nastiest, most intimidating team we've ever faced," exclaimed opposition nose guard Jason - "Tractor" - Clobberbowski as he was receiving treatment for shell-shock and post-traumatic stress disorder.

Everyone on the 10-man team scored at least once in the complete routing. Most notably were John, Craig, and Todd. Craig also hauled down four interceptions - five of which were returned for 98 yards or more.

Exceptionally brilliant in the trenches was Ted. Bulking up the week prior to the game, Ted tipped the scales at an impressive 350lbs. More noteworthy is the fact that he was able to retain his fleet-foot 4.3 40 yd dash and 48 inch vertical leap. "Man, there was one play in the middle where Ted got tackled by 8 guys. I was nervous for a minute, but thankfully those guys were able to get back up and keep playing - they looked like they ran into a brick wall when running into Ted. It would've been a bummer to win by forfeit," commented Joe Gumbis who himself racked up an impressive 240 yds passing going 6 for 6 with 8 passing touchdowns and 40 yards rushing.

The team suffered only one penalty, when Matt was called for intentionally intimidating the other team. Coach Brad tried to argue the call, but several witnesses recalled the opposition crying for "Mommy" and wailing for a blankey. Calmly Matt countered on the next series with 4 big gains (3 catches and 2 rushes) of 30 yards or more.

Winter football tournament had to be delayed until after Thanksgiving. University of Michigan administration is looking to reserve the "Big House" in order to accommodate the throngs that the "Fab Five" draw to the "100-yards of pain" each week.

Representing the team (and let me know if this reporter has his facts screwed up) were Probal, Craig, John, Alex, Kevin, Eric, Brad, Ted, Todd, and Joe.