More Adorable Photos of Myself!
Photo: The 'Cherub'
So Hungry, I Can No Longer Function
I Observe From My Perch, Unmoved
I Fill An ENTIRE Laundry Basket
Three New Photos so TERRIFYINGLY
we can't be responsible for adverse medical reactions:
Fat! FATTER!!! FATTEST!!!!!
My (many, many) Friends and Admirers:
Who I am, What I like to eat: How fortunate you are to have found my page. As many of you may know, I am by common agreement, not to mention casual inspection, the fattest baby in the history of the universe. Now, mind you, other cats may have weighed more than I, but true obesity cannot be measured by scale alone (recall the immortal lines "it is the star to every wandering bark, whose worth's unknown, though his height be taken"? Certainly a cat who can quote Shakespeare deserves a little snack.) In any case, the girth that I have attained by assiduous devotion to standing in front of the refrigerator with a hollow look of half neediness / half adorability has been quite hard won. And does my 'owner' reward this? I should say Not; and in fact I do. Rather, I am routinely reduced to dining on 'lowfat', 'less-active', 'reduced calorie' slop, of which I merely consume more to maintain an adequate influx of calories.
What I like to do, What I like to eat: When I'm not enhancing my circumference, I enjoy a wide range of activities. My favorite pastimes include dinner, lunch, breakfast, brunch, midmorning and midafternoon snacks. I also enjoy sleeping and shedding, and for exercise I claw the furniture or the carpet; we just had new carpeting installed and I can't tell you what an improvement the tauter backing is from a claw-sharpening point of view (and really, I ask you, what other point of view is there?). I consider myself an aficionado of sorts on the relative merits of different brands of commercial cat foods. They're all inferior from a nutritional vantage point to 34% milkfat whipping cream, imported belly lox from Finland and unsalted Normandy-style butter, which should form the core diet of any healthy feline. In a pinch, fresh bay scallops or Dover sole will do or, for an ethnic kick, sashimi. If you must, for financial reasons or because you're a soulless boor, feed your cat solely on supermarket fare meant exclusively for feline consumption, the general rules to keep in mind can be handily summarized as follows: (1) wet > moist > dry; and (2) adorable little designer tins > dainty pull-top cans > "no frills" anything. Follow these rules religiously, and dot generously with butter, and both you and your cat will get on far better. I know whereof I speak.
But let me not detain you here with the scintillating details of my life and
alimentary obsessions. Have a look-see at my page, ogle my photos, send me a tin
of gravlax or active-culture chevre. You'll be glad you did!
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